Real talk: lately I have struggled with feeling unqualified and inadequate to be wanting to go to a ministry school. I’ve found myself trapped in the comparison game and drowning in my insecurities. So in efforts that I might feel “good enough” or “worthy” to be asking for financial support or to accept this calling the Lord has placed on my life, I’ve put this legalistic regimen on my shoulders. I set a schedule to wake up every morning and read my devotional, then journal my prayers, and then read chapters and chapters of Scripture so that I can finish the Bible again this year. What began as well-intentioned devotion to the Lord became a legalistic checklist that I put before my relationship with Him.

At the same time, God has been teaching me about grace. He has been not so subtly highlighting the word to me over the past few months, from a new devotion sent to me in the mail, to a random sermon I hear, to a quote shared by a friend on Facebook. I have always heard the term at church and seen the Scripture “saved by grace through faith” written on many girl’s Instagram bios, but what really is grace?! And why has the Lord relentlessly pursued placing this word in my path over the past few months?

I am currently reading through a book of meditation and prayer called Praying Grace written by Matt and Laurie Crouch which the Lord has worked through to speak to me and inspire this blog. Through it and many other sources, God has been slowly revealing to me what grace is. As my Jesus Bible defines, grace is the free and unmerited favor of God; the undeserved forgiveness, kindness, and mercy that God gives us.

And if anyone longs to be wise, ask God for wisdom and he will give it! He won’t see your lack of wisdom as an opportunity to scold you over your failures but he will overwhelm your failures with his generous grace. Just make sure you ask empowered by confident faith without doubting that you will receive. For the ambivalent person believes one minute and doubts the next. Being undecided makes you become like the rough seas driven and tossed by the wind. You’re up one minute and tossed down the next. When you are half-hearted and wavering, it leaves you unstable. Can you really expect to receive anything from the Lord when you’re in that condition? James 1:5-8 TPT

I have learned that confident expectancy before God is a major key to receiving from Him in prayer. His grace is a free gift given to me. He will is for me. These are things I know and believe. But a lot of times I still find myself overwhelmed by self-disqualifying thoughts like:

“But I have sinned”

“I haven’t done enough”

“I missed my alone time with the Lord today”

“But so-and-so is such a better Christian than me”

I find myself getting trapped in my own mind, telling myself I need to pull it together and become in better standing with God before I ask of anything, so I am more “deserving” of my requests to Him. I often think God disqualifies me from getting answers from him when I sin. But the truth is, I stop getting answers because sin persuades me to disqualify myself.

Whenever our hearts make us feel guilty and remind us of our failures, we know that God is much greater and more merciful than our conscience, and he knows everything there is to know about us. My delightfully loved friends, when our hearts don’t condemn us, we have a bold freedom to speak face-to-face with God. And whatever we ask of him we receive, because we keep his commands. 1 John 3:20-22 TPT

So when we are convicted of sin, we should confess it, count it as covered and paid for by the blood of Jesus, and mentally re-assert our standing before God as righteous. We must continually renew our minds to the wonderful truth about Christ’s finished work on the cross because through that work we qualify for bold confident access, connection, favor, blessing, and help in time of need.

The reality is, those who approach God and ask with confident hearts see mountains move. Their prayers for financial freedom are answered. The chains of their decade-long addiction are broken. Their bodies are miraculously cured of terminal cancer in the name of Jesus. Remaining steadfast in our heart confidence is the key to keeping the windows of heaven open so God can move his promises and provision into our lives and circumstances. And that heart confidence only comes from relying solely on the grace of Christ.

So above all, guard the affections of your heart, for they affect all that you are. Pay attention to the welfare of your innermost being, for from there flows the wellspring of life. Proverbs 4:23 TPT

Unless we continually renew our minds to the reality of God’s abundant grace, we will approach Him with small requests and low expectations. Coming to God half-convinced we really qualify for help, answers, or favor is not a tangible way for the Lord to move mountains. God wants us to ask BIG prayers. He needs us to ask boldly and ambitiously because there are big things He wants to do in the earth through us! He has chosen to partner with us in extending His Kingdom and seeing His will done on earth (Praying Grace, 71).

For I will do whatever you ask me to do when you ask me in my name. And that is how the Son will show what the Father is really like and bring glory to Him. John 14:13 TPT

I found out that the Lord was placing the answer to all of my striving and unqualified feelings in learning about His grace for me. And I needed to realize that God desires me, not my completed checklist each day. There is literally nothing I can do to get out of the path of God’s grace. No sin or missed quiet time, nothing. And I needed to learn to have that same grace for myself! As Lisa Bevere candidly puts it, “if you think you’ve blown God’s plan for your life, rest in this: you are not that powerful.” I rejoice and feel overwhelming gratitude that my access to God is not linked to my personal qualifications. I approach Him through Jesus’ perfect qualifications.

God, I thank you for lavishing your grace upon me. I pray you would guard my heart against voices that cause me to think my access to You is any way rooted in my own performance. I approach your throne of grace boldly to ask great things of you, God. You are mighty, good, and generous and I come ready to partner with you in seeing your will be done on earth, just as it is in heaven. Lead me Lord Jesus.